The Strongest Team
by ZEREF
Summary: (Oneshot) It is a universally known fact that Emiya Shirou is an idiot. Everyone acknowledges this fact. I do. You do. Your chair does. That random thing on your left does. In fact, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that his origin should have been 'Idiocy'. However, thanks to the wonders of the Kaleidoscope, we can venture into a world where this is so. And being one of the...
1. Chapter 1

**The Strongest Team**

It is a universally known fact that Emiya Shirou is an idiot. Everyone acknowledges this fact. I do. You do. Your chair does. That random thing on your left does. In fact, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that his origin should have been 'Idiocy'. However, thanks to the wonders of the Kaleidoscope, we can venture into a world where this is so. And being one of the biggest idiots in eroge history, who does Emiya Shirou summon as a Servant? There can only be one. It shall be formed. The strongest Master-Servant team in the Nasuverse shall be formed. This is, The Strongest Team.

* * *

-Shirou-

-Night, Emiya Household-

I ran into my shed, gasping for breath. I had just barely escaped from that man in blue tights with a huge red spear. My hastily reinforced poster had only managed to catch him off guard for a second. Oh no, I can hear him coming! Frantically, I searched the shed for something to use against him, but I failed. Just when I thought I was done for, the floor of the shed started glowing, and suddenly, I was enveloped in a bright flash of light.

XXX

With the pace of a hunter stalking his injured prey, Lancer walked towards the shed. Throwing open the door, Lancer yelled-

"Well boy, ready to d-GYAAAAAAAAAAH!"

-and was subsequently frozen into a massive block of ice which instantly shattered. At that moment, Archer and Rin appeared to the entrance to Shirou's house.

"Lancer died!" exclaimed Archer.

"You're not human!" cried Rin.

As the light died down, a figure emerged from the shed, moving into the centre of the compound, whereas Shirou remained in the doorway of the shed. Seeing the figure, Rin called out to it.

"You! Are you Emiya-kun's Servant?!"

The figure replied.

"Of course eye am! And eye'm gonna win for sure!"

Finally, the light died down, and a determined, confident glint could be seen in the Servant's eyes.

"Oh? And why do you say that?!"

"Why? Because…EYE'M. DA. STRONGEST!"

* * *

Thaaaaank you for reading this random oneshot which popped out of a mind from nowhere? It's a perfect pairing, isn't it? Idiot and idiot. I miiiiiight release a chapter for 9ball's Servant stats, but only if I'm reeeeeeally bored. Well, until next time! Capitalism, ho!


	2. Omake

**Bonus Chapter**

So, I decided to write a Servant statsheet for our favourite idiot! So without further ado!

* * *

**CLASS: FAIRY**

Master: Emiya Shirou

True Name: Cirno

Sex: Female

Height: 80cm

Weight: 15kg

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

STR: 9

END: 9

AGI: 9

MAG: 9

LUC: 9

NP: 9

Class Abilities-

Fairy Resurrection: EX

Fairies spring forth from nature, and as long as that nature is preserved, they are indestructible. On the other hand, if that nature is lost, the fairies who spring forth from that disappear forever. A unique skill owned by fairies, since they exist only in the bounds that the nature they spring from be preserved, they are immortal in some sense. In this case, if Cirno is killed during the war, she will be revived at sunrise, albeit at the cost of a large amount of her Master's prana. So, the only way to truly defeat this Master-Servant pair is to either kill the Master, kill the Servant when there are only two left standing, or kill the Cirno when she is using one of her Noble Phantasms (see 'Noble Phantasm').

SKILLS

Mathematics: 9

Whenever she is faced with a question involving maths, Cirno will always answer with 9. The effect of this skill is unknown, and neither is its actual use.

Magic (Danmaku): C

The ability to fire magic bullets in all directions at the enemy, or in Cirno's case, ice magic bullets. She isn't that good at it, however. Also, since she is no longer adhering to the danmaku rules of her homeland, her danmaku is potentially fatal.

Mental Pollution: EX

Mental Pollution makes it highly possible to shut out any mental interference Thaumaturgy, due to possessing a distorted mentality. However, at the same time it becomes impossible to come to an understanding with individuals that do not possess an equivalent rank of mental pollution. In Cirno's case however, she possesses little to no mentality, making her a complete idiot. Therefore, she is completely immune to any form of mental interference. However, she can only come to an understanding with individuals who have the same level of idiocy as her. For instance, Emiya Shirou.

NOBLE PHANTASM

The Rules of Danmaku-Spell Card System

Cirno is able to utilize the Spell Cards of danmaku battles in actual battle. However, in this case, the cost of each Spell Card is determined by its power level and difficulty, and thus a certain amount of prana will be drained accordingly from both the Master and Servant.

Rank: E-B

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-30

Maximum Target: 1-10 people

Seven Swords-The Advent

Upon using this Noble Phantasm, Cirno summons up all of her swords and is transformed into Advent Cirno. See 'Advent Cirno' for more details.

Rank: A

Type: Self

Range: ?

Maximum Target: ?

The Gift From The Sky-Eirin's Shady Drug

The pill which fell from the sky and into Cirno's mouth. Upon using this Noble Phantasm, Cirno grows and is transformed into Cirno nee-san. See 'Cirno nee-san' for more details.

Rank: A

Type: Self

Range: ?

Maximum Target: ?

A Youkai's Boredom-Boundary of Idiocy and Genius

Due to a certain gap hag's boredom, the boundary between idiocy and genius within Cirno is loosened. Upon using this Noble Phantsam, Cirno transforms into Genius Cirno. See 'Genius Cirno' for more details.

Rank: A

Type: Self

Range: ?

Maximum Target: ?

XXX

CLASS: SABER

Master: Emiya Shirou

True Name: Advent Cirno

Sex: Female

Height: 100cm

Weight: 40kg

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

STR: A

END: B

AGI: B

MAG: C

LUC: C

NP: A

Class Abilities-

Magic Resistance: B

Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for her to be affected.

SKILLS

Battle Continuation: A

Battle Continuation is the strength of vitality for predicaments. Also, the ability to withdraw from combat and reach allied territory alive after being defeated. At A-Rank, it makes possible to fight even with deadly injuries and can remain alive so long as one does not receive a decisive fatal wound.

Instinct: B

The ability to always 'feel' the best course for oneself during combat. At B Rank, the sixth sense is incredibly heightened. It reduces by one third any obstacles to vision and hearing.

Prana Burst: B-

Prana Burst is the increase in performance caused by infusing one's weapons and body with magical energy and instantly expelling it. Simply put, it is recreating the effect of a jet burst by expending large amounts of prana. At B Rank, strength, endurance and agility of the Servant is increased by two ranks each when Prana Burst is used, but only for that instantaneous moment. Also, since Cirno isn't that good at controlling herself, she can only use Prana Burst in short bursts and cannot use it constantly.

Magic (Danmaku): D-

Now that she is Advent Cirno, her skill in danmaku has substantially decreased, and thus she relies more on her swords.

NOBLE PHANTASM

Seven Swords-Bastard Cirno Sword

It is a giant sword comprised of six smaller swords. Winning Sword in the center, followed by Watermelon Sword, then Chocolate Edges and Wafer Blades as the edges. Altogether, she has seven swords. They can be instantly disassembled and reassembled at will, so she uses this to her advantage to surprise her opponents.

Rank: B

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-3

Maximum Targets: 1-6 people

Desperation Attack-Limit Break

A set of skills unique to Advent Cirno, she has seven different Limit Breaks, each different in execution, power and prana cost. In increasing order of power, they are Braver, Cross Slash, Blade Freeze, Blizzard, Icerain, Finishing Freeze, and Zero Slash.

Rank: E-A+

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-20

Maximum Targets: ?

Last Gamble-All Lucky 9s

Advent Cirno's final move. Assuming that a Servant's health is counted in units, if Cirno's health ever falls to 9 units, this Noble Phantasm will automatically activate. Advent Cirno will enter a concentrated berserker mode, and all her subsequent attacks on the opponent will deal 9999 units of damage to their health until she is struck down. An extremely dangerous Noble Phantasm to both the user and victim because Advent Cirno can barely control herself in this mode and all it takes is one hit to defeat her permanently.

Rank: EX

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-20

Maximum Targets: 1 person

XXX

CLASS: CASTER

Master: Emiya Shirou

True Name: Cirno nee-san

Sex: Female

Height: 160cm

Weight: 55kg

Alignment: Lawful Good

STR: C

END: B

AGI: B

MAG: A

LUC: B

NP: B

Class Abilities-

Territory Creation (Fake): D

Territory Creation is the skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus. Cirno nee-san is unable to make a territory like a normal Caster, but she can freeze the entire battleground to give herself a slight advantage.

SKILLS

Magic (Danmaku): A+

Thanks to Eirin's shady new drug, Cirno's magic powers have greatly increased, to the point where she can actually utilize her danmaku as ice mirrors to trick the enemy, and much more. Other than danmaku, her proficiency for ice magic has increased tremendously, and can cast it on a large scale with little difficulty.

Monstrous Strength (Fake): C

Thanks to Eirin's shady drug, Cirno is also able to receive a boost in strength. When using this, her strength will go up by one rank for 10 minutes.

Eye of the Mind (False): B

With her improved brainpower, Cirno can now utilize this skill. She is capable of calm analysis of battle conditions, by which competent grasp of the status of the self and the opponent are obtainable even in the midst of danger; utilization of such to deduce the appropriate course of action that permits escape from a lethal predicament.

NOBLE PHANTASM

The Rules of Danmaku-Spell Card System

Cirno is able to utilize the Spell Cards of danmaku battles in actual battle. However, in this case, the cost of each Spell Card is determined by its power level and difficulty, and thus a certain amount of prana will be drained accordingly from both the Master and Servant. As Cirno nee-san, she is able to utilize her Spell Cards more efficiently, increasing the rank of the Noble Phantasm.

Rank: D-A+

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-50

Maximum Target: 1-10 people

Perfect Freeze-Mirrored Ice

A modified version of Cirno's 'Freeze Sign: Perfect Freeze', the frozen danmaku will act like mirrors, confusing the enemy. The strong point of this Noble Phantasm is that the mirrors are still danmaku, and will hurt the opponent if they are touched, and also the sheer amount of danmaku released enables the creation of hundreds of mirrors all around the enemy and battlefield.

Rank: B

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-35

Maximum Target: 1-10 people

Frozen Soul-Icicle Sword

Cirno is able to create a massive, freezing blade out of ice to strike her enemies with. Being a Noble Phantasm, it's definitely stronger than any normal blade, and it freezes anything it touches into blocks of ice. Often used in conjunction with Mirrored Ice. That aside, if Cirno is defeated as Cirno nee-san, she will not revive and be permanently defeated.

Rank: B

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-5

Maximum Target: One person

XXX

CLASS: GENIUS

Master: Emiya Shirou

True Name: Genius Cirno

Sex: Female

Height: 80cm

Weight: 15kg

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

STR: D

END: D

AGI: B+

MAG: A-

LUC: B

NP:

Class Abilities-

Independent Action: A

The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the prana supply from the Master. At the higher ranks it is also possible to remain for extended periods of time in this world without an established contract. At A Rank, Genius Cirno can remain in this world for a week even after losing his Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great prana consumption, back up from the Master is necessary.

SKILLS

Mathematics: EX

As Genius Cirno, Cirno's mathematical capabilities have increased tremendously, to the point where she has calculated all the digits of pi. Although the use of this skill is still unknown, it plays a factor in one of her Noble Phantasms.

Magic (Danmaku): B

As Genius Cirno, her danmaku abilities have substantially increased, but not as much as you'd think. However, danmaku is not where her true power lies when this Noble Phantasm is active.

Mental Pollution: A

Mental Pollution makes it highly possible to shut out any mental interference Thaumaturgy, due to possessing a distorted mentality. However, at the same time it becomes impossible to come to an understanding with individuals that do not possess an equivalent rank of mental pollution. Now that she has become a genius, she is still immune to mental interference, but can now only understand individuals with the same intellect as her, which is highly unlikely.

NOBLE PHANTASM

The Rules of Danmaku-Spell Card System

Cirno is able to utilize the Spell Cards of danmaku battles in actual battle. However, in this case, the cost of each Spell Card is determined by its power level and difficulty, and thus a certain amount of prana will be drained accordingly from both the Master and Servant. As Genius Cirno, a much deeper understanding of Spell Card mechanics greatly enhances the efficiency of the Spell Cards, but not the power levels.

Rank: E-A

Type: Anti-Unit

Range: 1-70

Maximum Target: 1-20 people

The Mind of a Genius-Mathematical Materialization

By using mathematical theorem, calculations and formulae, Cirno is able to deflect, predict, and dodge almost any form of attack. As the attack is used, Cirno is able to instantly calculate the specs, physics, and theories behind the attack, and through the materialization of various physics and mathematical concepts, is able to completely dodge, negate and deflect it. The Rank of this Noble Phantasm corresponds to its owners Mathematics Rank, so Cirno is almost unmatched as Genius Cirno. You would either need an incredibly massive attack to obliterate her, or an incredibly sneaky attack that she can't even see it coming. However, Genius Cirno is extremely prideful and arrogant, so there is still a good chance of defeating her after all.

Rank: EX

Type: Self

Range: ?

Maximum Targets: ?

* * *

And there we go! I know, it seems really OP (and it is), but seriously, some of the other Servants are way more ridiculous! Goldie, Karna, Heracles, heck they even summoned up Arc, Ryougi and even BUDDHA in Extra. Well anyway, this will probably be the end of this for sure. Now, to handle my other fics! Capitalism, ho! (Dammit Recette!)


End file.
